Saturday, May 6, 2017

Wallowing in pity?

Many and possibly all victims of abuse are told you are wallowing in your pity. Many of us victims of abuse hear this, when we share our pain with those who have not been abused.  They couldn't possibly understand. A person who has never had to go without could never relate to someone who has had to endure starvation. A person who is always admired could never understand what it's like to be the object hatred.  
This is how we heal from such pain, sharing our experiences. It's like an infection or poison that has to come out in order for us to heal completely. Wicked people find many cruel ways to torture and abuse us. Some are outright brutal who beat your outer man (and woman) others like to be less obvious to others and brutalize your inner man (and woman). No matter the method the roots are the same it's evil at its core.  I recommend if you have no one to tell your pain to get a journal, a notebook just start writing it down and keep it well hidden.  If you are still in the clutches of your abuser concentrate on getting out first or you'll just keep getting more material to write about.  The poison must come out or it will consume you. I believe that's truly what the Bible is referring to for the word "forgiveness".  Many abusers have re-defined the word forgive to mean because you believe in Jesus you have to submit yourself to more abuse just turn that other cheek. Forgiveness is really a resolution or rather dissolution, such as divorce.  If the situation is not going to change then for your safety and sanity you must remove yourself from that situation. Wicked people have no desire or plans to change it's you who have the problem not them. Against popular belief Jesus did NOT come to save all. Please understand there's a significant difference between wicked and your average sinner. You will also find wicked disguised as a Christian.  The wicked love finding believers to abuse.  They use God's word against us. They use God's word as a stumbling block. God will deal harshly on these individuals. Using God's words to hurt one of his children?  As Mr. T says "I pity the fool."
Here's an example of abusers: think of your abuser as a poisonous snake. Once you've been bitten are you going to stick around and try to tame him love him and die trying?  No!! You're going to first get help for the poison injected in your veins then get the heck away from him and never go back to where that nasty thing attacked you. They are poisonous snakes their intentions are to harm you and have no remorse for what they are doing to you and they never will. Jesus did not come to rescue Satan he came to defeat him and to rescue us.   
I don't care if there's a hefty will hanging in the balance. How much money is your soul worth?  Can you put a cash value on that?  I got news for you the wicked save their last strike at you in their will. They write you out of their will. You're not getting a dime anyway. Sure you can fight it in court tie it up for years in court  cost and attorney fees then to have Uncle Scam take nearly half of it possibly more. What's your time worth to you?  What's your soul worth to you, your dignity?  In the end they could make you as bitter as they are and become a monster like them. 
I believe the word forgive means don't harbor the anger, pain and bitterness. When you go no contact be done with them you know they're not going to change. They're not going to have an epiphany one day and realize they were so cruel and wrong.  You're part to forgive is to forget about them. I know with our minds being triggered by words, sights, sounds, and even smells;  that's nearly impossible. When you divorce you never forget that other person unfortunately; but you move forward. You don't allow that horrible experience ruin the rest of your life. Don't see yourself as a victim but a survivor. Don't let the abuse defeat you!! That's what they wanted all along was to destroy you.  Oh yes I know it's much easier to say than to do. The abuse has put you at the bottom of a well. The only way to survive is to claw your way back up. You're going to break a few nails and  get mud under them. You're going to grab a slippery rock and fall back a few feet but you got to keep clawing your way out or you'll drown in the well.  Don't wait for someone to come by and rescue you and throw you a rope they could show up too late. I pray that God gives each one of you a boost of strength and a shot of adrenaline to pull yourself up out of that well. You may lose a few friends and relatives in the process. They weren't true friends if they like you better trapped in the well.  The same goes with family they are usually the first to abandon you when you assert the slightest bit of self confidence. No they always tell you they like the "old" doormat you and not the new and improved confident you. They prefer the   You that was self conscious, not self confidence.  I had one sibling in particular that told me this more than once when I started to feel good about the direction my life was going.   She was on the edge of the well kicking me back down stomping my fingers when I reached for dry land.  My friends keep clawing and climbing and fighting for your life. You are worth it and you matter to God our Father.  I know your next thought is well why did he allow this to happen if he loves you so much? If God interfered with everything life would be perfect, boring, bland and vanilla. Not one of us would have a free will or choices. Nothing would die, cotton candy would grow on trees, skies filled with glitter and rainbows with unicorns flying around, no that's fantasy!!  God sent his Son wax he born to royalty?  Did he have a silver spoon in his mouth?  Did he sleep on satin sheets, feather down pillows in a castle with servants to serve his every need???
No he was cursed at, spit on beaten and then executed for sins and crimes he did not commit.  God wants us to love him or hate him but be true to our feelings. There are consequences to either choice. If you hate him well things are just going to get worse for you unfortunately. Your hatred for the one who created you, will devour you. If you love him life's still not going to be easy. The devil is on your heels trying to trip you up at every chance and loves to make you curse God for things Satan has done to you.  Who do you think your abusers are working for, it's not God. A common misconception that I've heard many times is that we each existed before in heaven. That we were angels previously or little cherubs. There's no scripture to back up that nonsense.  No, only Jesus; he is the only human who previously existed before this life on earth. We were created at the moment of conception at that first spark of life when the sperm and egg meet.  It's just biology as to who you ended up with as parents.  Because God loved you so much Satan wants to destroy you and often uses the very ones who brought us into this world to get the job done.  
God Bless you all and keep fighting
Thank you for reading. 


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Thank you and God bless you as well.

  2. I stay away from people who get mad at you for any emotions, since removing them from my life, I have felt much better and this is one "red flag" to add to the avoid toxic people list.

    I agree those who never have been through this type of abuse will never understand it, never ever. I stopped trying to explain it, and I advise people on message boards and younger ACONs, don't try to get understanding from the world at large, YOU WILL BE HURT.

    I agree about the beatings of the inner and outer man being equally harmful, many of them specialize in BOTH and whatever they can get away with.

    I agree one must remove themselves from the situation. False forgiveness teaches to submit to the wicked. Poisonous snakes is a good metaphor for them. I would warn to stay away from all the creepy crawling surrounding snakes. Since I made the decision to be finally done with the whole lot, no ifs ands or buts, I have felt a LOT better. People who know and hang out with poisonous snakes can bring some of the venom over to you.

    Agree about the will. Most narcissists have spent it anyhow. They put on the face of wealth. Don't stay in the narc game even for 6 figures. I walked knowing my life was worth everything.

    I agree NC is for good, you have to know the poisonous snake may come and smile and "be nice" but it will be all lies.

    Yes stay away from those who want you in the well.I want to tell people too time eases it away, it helps, just the passage of time, don't restart the clock letting one of the monsters in.

    It is good you bring up the fact that some ask why would God allow this to happen to someone? While I am happy to be done now with the whole lot, I have struggled with the outcome, it makes no sense.I have had my faith tested lately but I did not fall away because I already know the reality of life as an atheist and without God and I already been there and don't want to go back. There's times where you have to be careful with yourself even as faith is tested.

    I am pondering some issues about God and love,and this world. Some kind of odd thinking process. A lot of people reject God on bad things that have happened to them. LOL I know I get into those deep philosophical issues. I had someone on a Christian board point out that many see Jesus as our rescuer from God the Father. [I believe in the Trinity] but yeah, abusive parents are messing up people's faith and narcissistic society in general.

    I like that you brought that up about free will? I have said to God,why couldn't You make life easier here? I have seen atheists rant that God stinks and does not exist because people die of hunger and hideous illnesses. [back to my point there, what do they have to offer with their supposed eraser to God, you get to die and rot?] Jesus had it very rough, the roughest.


  3. I agree about people being tripped up for things Satan has done to them and blaming God.I have had my battles with God lately and it has not been easy. I may warn ACONS about threats to their faith and do an a Christian based article.

    I find it interesting you mention the belief that we existed before, I actually never though about this, I know I have wondered about reincarnation though my intellectual mind would say against it, "That's not biblical" and once I prayed to God asking if I could have a re-run of a human life with a normal body [reincarnate husband to be with me too, and give him an easier life as well, because I did not want to be married to someone else] LOLI know my mind goes to weird places. I keep reading and hearing weird philosophies out there: One of the latest I saw on Youtube was that this earth was hell. This woman did a whole video on it, her arguments sounded good. I did think what about nature and availablity of bibles and love but it was strange, PEOPLE WERE BELIEVING IT.

    Yes Satan will use the hardships of this world to beat you down and I agree He will use parents.

    I think ACONs need to be warned about some of the spiritual battles with this whole no contact process and what these families can do to us spiritual. You and Mr.Smakintosh have helped us fight the good fight. There's a lot of ACONs, who especially if there is a back ground of religious and spiritual abuse, there can be bad divides with God. I know some of my troubles arose even from the spiritually abusive "Mrs. Curses". I am thinking out a lot of issues I plan to write about once I can verbalize them decently. You two probably have helped to save many people's faith while escaping abuse.

  4. This is my third attempt to respond to this comment hope it works. Thank you peep for all your comments I appreciate your feedback. Thank you for reading. God bless !!

  5. Dear Mr. and Ms. Smakintosh, i have noticed a shortage of sermons which Biblically warn people about snakes, how snakes slither, and how to get away from them. (My apologies to the snakes that live in the field out back).

  6. Thank you for your comment. I agree with you church is SUPPOSED to be a hospital to the sick whether it be physically or spiritually. Unfortunately church has become just a social club and if you’re not in the clique you are an outsider. Anyone who comes for comfort and spiritual healing you are the outsider. I saw a commenter from our Youtube site refer to the pastor as a CEO, he was spot on. It’s a business nothing more. A business that don’t have to pay taxes like the rest of us under 501c3. Pastors aren’t interested in his speeple just their donations, your hard earned money which was taxed and taxed again but he don’t pay a dime in taxes under 501c3. Jesus told us to give to Caesar which is Caesar’s meaning taxes. Pastors seem to be exempt from this in their own eyes. Most pastors are wearing snakeskin under their suits and fleece jackets. I said Most not All, I’m sure there are a few good men or women out there but not many. Anyway back to my original point pastors aren’t interested in the sick, the poor, the hungry, the abused. They love reciting the “beattitudes” from Matthew 5. Blessed are the poor at heart etc. This is the abused the people man has forsaken for God loves them.