Never Underestimate the Craftiness of a Narc

The Narc has many tools in the can use to confuse and manipulate the target victim. They will even fein weakness and helplessness. The will bombard you with constant phone calls about every little thing, even how to address an envelope. They will call you early they will call you late they don't care YOU are to be at their disposal at all times. They will keep you on the phone for hours talking about nothing, leaving you emotionally and physically drained and you don't know why. A lot of the calls consists of common sense questions that are obvious, like "I forgot to use the hamburger that has been in my refrigerator all week do you think it's still good?" She also called crying screaming and hyperventilating "My insurance canceled m what do I do?"  Everything's a catastrophe. You finally have enough and kindly ask them to limit their calls to once a day. They pretend to be sensitive and hurt by this., and even shed a tear or two. You end up feeling like a monster. Yes narcs will use tears and feined helplessness to manipulate you. You still can't put your finger on it but something is unsettling about this person's behavior. You continue to be bombarded with phone calls as if they previous conversation to limit the call never took place. They will invade your personal space hug bomb you knowing you hate hugs. This person had no boundaries. Coming from a Narc family all members except my brother are huggers. You know the type they greet you with a hug say goodbye with a hug they will hug bomb you for no reason at all, because they know you hate fake hugs. I'm not cold like my family portrayed me to be I just hate artificial expressions of affection. If someone close to me is hurt and crying I will hug that person to console them. I do not randomly hug people for no apparent reason, I'm not a hugger!  This narc especially knew that she was my daughter. I started ignoring some of the calls I felt like she was a jealous girlfriend it was getting real creepy. Then she would call the home phone, then cell phone and back and fourth until I answered one of them. You would think there was an emergency as to how hard she tried to contact me all to be chided "you didn't answer my call!" Then after my lame excuse I was busy doing something, then she was satisfied and asked so "whatcha doin'..." There was no emergency she just wanted to talk. From the second she clocked out at work to the time I went to bed I could be on the phone with her. She literally wanted to know what I was doing every second of my day.  She also started dropping by unannounced.  If I did not answer her calls. Her behavior got worse whe we came back into contact with her malignant narc grandmother. This is when I started to see the fangs come out. I was so annoyed with her phone harassment that I started ignoring more and more of her calls. She started leaving me ugly voicemails make up some drama, blown clear out of proportion as to why she needed to talk. She also started borrowing money a lot I would give it to her she guilted me into it. Twenty dollars at a time she was always out of money for gas or she spent too much shopping and rent is due. More drama she created.  After four years of helping her with rent gas her car I finally had enough! We were being nickel and dimed and couldn't seem to get ahead actually my husband put his foot down. Im glad he did because she made me feel so bad. I had to tell her I just didn't have it. Then the anger she had towards me turned to rage. I got nasty voicemail and text messages that if it was from anyone else I would have filed harassment charges or something to put a stop to it. She would say "you hate me!! You never believe in me!!"  The  more she was around her malignant narc grandmother seemed to just add fuel to the fire, rage turned to hatred. 

Let this be a lesson to all who hav children and parents that are narcs. Keep your children away or the narc will infect your children. 

Committed to Sin and Getting Better At It: The Malignant Narcissist

He who commits sin [who practices evil doing] is of the devil [takes his character from the evil one]

1 John 3:8 (AMP)

For many years this verse, and others like it in the book of 1 John, would bother me.

I know me!  I know how far, and how often, I fall short of the mark in my Christian walk.  I have not quite reached Christ like perfection in my daily walk.  I sin.

Yet I know I have eternal life, the very life and nature of God residing in me.  I remember the day the Holy Spirit took that heart of stone out of me and replaced it with a heart of flesh.

I know it's His character dwelling in me that enables me to experience pain, sorrow and grief when I sin, which in turns causes me to recognize my innermost character is of God and not the devil.  Yet, in spite of knowing this, verses like 1 John 3:8 have always tended to bother me.

Bothered me, that is, until the day it dawned on me what the Bible was actually saying.

Two words that clued me in on the meaning of this verse, and verses like it, were "practice" and "commit."

Let's look at these two words from a perspective you may have never noticed before.

Practice

To perform or exercise repeatedly in order to acquire or perfect a skill.

To work at

Commit

To pledge oneself to

To give over to

Entrust

To be bound emotionally or intellectually to an ideal or course of action

The individual who truly loves God, who honestly seeks to do what's right, and who places a greater value on truth than his or her own fantasies, may sin, and may sin often, very much like the tax collector or the prostitute of Jesus' day.

This does NOT mean he is practicing sin.  This does NOT mean she is committing sin.

If words mean anything, to practice sin means to exercise sin repeatedly, habitually, and deliberately for the purpose of acquiring and perfecting skill, aptitude, expertise, and know-how at it.

To practice sin means to work at sin in order to hone and perfect ones skill at sin, very much like a band student practices a musical instrument, a doctor practices medic, or a lawyer practices law.

The guy that practices sin has no interest whatsoever in breaking free of it.  On the contrary, the guy practicing sin is making an earnest effort to get better at doing it, as well as hiding it.

Sin is how this guy gets what he wants out of life, so it stands to reason the better he is at it, the more he'll obtain what he's after.

He is, in essence, a practitioner of sin.

Sin, evil and wickedness become a type of craft to those who practice it.

Practice makes perfect does not only apply to piano lessons!

Comparable to the practice of sin is the committing of sin.

Committing sin does not simply mean acting in a sinful manner, or "doing" sin.  Once again, if words mean anything, committing sin is to pledge oneself to sin, to give oneself over to sin, and to place ones trust in sin.  Committing sin is the conscious, deliberate binding of oneself spiritually, emotionally and intellectually to the ideals and behaviors inherent with sin for one's own lusts and purposes.

The committing of sin could be likened to a man committing himself to the woman he marries.  He's not simply dating his wife.  He's not simply living under the same roof with his wife.  No, once he has committed himself in marriage to this woman, he has essentially become one flesh with her.  He is and forever will be defined by his commitment to her, and everything he is, everything he becomes, everything he does will be the result of and in relation to that commitment.

The man spoken of in 1 John practices sin because he is committed to sin.  He has embraced sin, wickedness and evil, making it his own.

Evil has become this individuals mistress if you will.  He is, in every sense of the word, committed to her.

Can you see how this verse and others like it do not apply to true Christians, as well as individuals who may not have professed Christ but remain sensitive to their personal conscience and sense of morality?

The person described in this verse is not merely the man or woman who misses the mark due to the fallen, selfish nature abiding in each and every one of us, that nature that most of us contend with throughout our lives.

This verse reveals the individual who not only refuses to contend with his fallen nature, but gives himself completely over to it.

Malignant narcissists are the individuals among us who have knowingly committed themselves to evil for the purpose of acquiring what they, in their own hearts and minds, feel entitled to, and who deliberately apply themselves to the acquiring and perfecting of strategies and tactics necessary to successfully carry out the evil they have embraced.

They are practitioners of evil.  It has become their craft of choice.  And they work at it night and day.

They are indeed children of the devil.

The Holidays-Family Guilt Days

The holidays are ready made guilt days for Narcissist.  They just LOVE the holidays because they can obligate YOU the scapegoat or blacksheep into gathering with them and other family members. The Narcissist will extend an extra special invitation to make sure their favorite plaything makes it to the family gathering.  To the Narcissist this is like the most delectable feast they almost salivate with anticipation.  Exuberance is an understatement when the Narcissist thinks about the family gathering.  They will wear their best outfit maybe even go out and buy a new outfit for the occasion.  They will put on their brightest red lipstick spend half of the day getting ready, planning the how they will humiliate, embarrass or abuse you this time. Once you show up to the gathering at first everyone is so superficially nice and seem overjoyed to see you.  They don't want to scare you off too soon, so they wait to show their fangs.  It's like a pack of wolves inviting an unsuspecting sheep to the feast, unbeknownst to him he will be the dinner.  You may leave the gathering thinking you've survived the feast unscathed; but driving home you have this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.  You may not know immediately what was done or said that makes you feel uneasy but the sense keeps nagging at you until the realization hits you.  For your own sanity and emotional well being the ONLY way to go is no contact.