Just Get Used to IT..... repost

I was watching the news today about yesterday's suicide bomber in Manchester.  One of the talking heads was saying that they will just have to get used to it....

What??? There's evil people in this world and you will just have to get used to it!  Your young people are injured, dismembered or even killed in bombings and you'll just have to get used to it.  Really.... You are going to be abused by evil people even now more with the radical terrorists flooding all of our countries and we just need to get used to it.  Where's the anger, where have all the men gone?  I'm not attacking "men" it's just we have all become soft little weak girls.  We (as nations) will cry about injustices but we never do anything about it.  Where's all the Dirty Harrys out there.  I know they've blackballed us all into thinking that those who stand up are radical, ANGRY, something wrong with us, need psychological help.  Yesterday Clint Eastwood stood up and made a speech about just this we've "become pussies" forgive my language it's a quote and it's so true.  Is it too late for all of us?  The church has brainwashed everyone with the messages in beatle's songs; all you need is LOVE, Let it be... There might as well have been songs that say bend over and take it, just get used to it.  It's ok church just go back to sleep, continue with your potlucks, fundraisers and such.  Is there any outrage left anywhere?  Our globalists, narcissistic governments let in these terrorists into all their countries including the USA.  The news on the tv will minimize the damage and only tell you what they want you to hear.  The news which is really propaganda for the globalists, is not reporting what's really happening.  It's funny how they spew venom about feminism and claim to have women's rights in their interest while letting terrorists in the back door who rape, abuse, beat and murder women oh and children they're not picky.  We used to be one nation under God but that's not been that way for a really long time.  Soon it will be one nation under allah if we don't do something, but sadly we probably won't because everyone so so afraid of being called racist if they say anything different than what they are brainwashing.  It's not racist to want to protect your country, your people.  We aren't racist we don't hate them, although maybe we should; just stay the hell out of my country, keep your damn suicide bombs in your own toilet of a country.  Oh and the globalists always... ALWAYS uses women and children.  Oh the poor women and children while really they're letting in military aged angry young men who just want to rape, kill, pillage and plunder.  The globalists wants to eliminate most of us, we're easier to manage when there are less of us.  Truthfully we are easy enough to manage now because nobody fights back we just bend over and take it because we don't want to be called racists, haters of other races.  I love all races except terrorists, we all bleed red blood.  I don't love those who intentionally hurt others.  Wake up church, listen up you cannot love terrorists into being better people.  You cannot love them into converting to christianity.  No they hate us with every fiber of their being; this is how we SHOULD feel about evil.  God hates, that's right he loves good but he hates evil shouldn't we do what our Father does?  Is God racist because he hates evil?  No God is just and fair, all men (as in mankind the human race) have the right to be good or bad it's totally up to each one of us but there are consequences to our actions and choices, you are allowed to repent if you realize you screwed up we all do.   In the end there will be no excuses, when we stand before God each one of us will be responsible for our own actions.  This includes following the crowd, doing nothing allowing evil to take over our countries. 

Wallowing in pity?

Many and possibly all victims of abuse are told you are wallowing in your pity. Many of us victims of abuse hear this, when we share our pain with those who have not been abused.  They couldn't possibly understand. A person who has never had to go without could never relate to someone who has had to endure starvation. A person who is always admired could never understand what it's like to be the object hatred.  

This is how we heal from such pain, sharing our experiences. It's like an infection or poison that has to come out in order for us to heal completely. Wicked people find many cruel ways to torture and abuse us. Some are outright brutal who beat your outer man (and woman) others like to be less obvious to others and brutalize your inner man (and woman). No matter the method the roots are the same it's evil at its core.  I recommend if you have no one to tell your pain to get a journal, a notebook just start writing it down and keep it well hidden.  If you are still in the clutches of your abuser concentrate on getting out first or you'll just keep getting more material to write about.  The poison must come out or it will consume you. I believe that's truly what the Bible is referring to for the word "forgiveness".  Many abusers have re-defined the word forgive to mean because you believe in Jesus you have to submit yourself to more abuse just turn that other cheek. Forgiveness is really a resolution or rather dissolution, such as divorce.  If the situation is not going to change then for your safety and sanity you must remove yourself from that situation. Wicked people have no desire or plans to change it's you who have the problem not them. Against popular belief Jesus did NOT come to save all. Please understand there's a significant difference between wicked and your average sinner. You will also find wicked disguised as a Christian.  The wicked love finding believers to abuse.  They use God's word against us. They use God's word as a stumbling block. God will deal harshly on these individuals. Using God's words to hurt one of his children?  As Mr. T says "I pity the fool."

Here's an example of abusers: think of your abuser as a poisonous snake. Once you've been bitten are you going to stick around and try to tame him love him and die trying?  No!! You're going to first get help for the poison injected in your veins then get the heck away from him and never go back to where that nasty thing attacked you. They are poisonous snakes their intentions are to harm you and have no remorse for what they are doing to you and they never will. Jesus did not come to rescue Satan he came to defeat him and to rescue us.   

I don't care if there's a hefty will hanging in the balance. How much money is your soul worth?  Can you put a cash value on that?  I got news for you the wicked save their last strike at you in their will. They write you out of their will. You're not getting a dime anyway. Sure you can fight it in court tie it up for years in court  cost and attorney fees then to have Uncle Scam take nearly half of it possibly more. What's your time worth to you?  What's your soul worth to you, your dignity?  In the end they could make you as bitter as they are and become a monster like them. 

I believe the word forgive means don't harbor the anger, pain and bitterness. When you go no contact be done with them you know they're not going to change. They're not going to have an epiphany one day and realize they were so cruel and wrong.  You're part to forgive is to forget about them. I know with our minds being triggered by words, sights, sounds, and even smells;  that's nearly impossible. When you divorce you never forget that other person unfortunately; but you move forward. You don't allow that horrible experience ruin the rest of your life. Don't see yourself as a victim but a survivor. Don't let the abuse defeat you!! That's what they wanted all along was to destroy you.  Oh yes I know it's much easier to say than to do. The abuse has put you at the bottom of a well. The only way to survive is to claw your way back up. You're going to break a few nails and  get mud under them. You're going to grab a slippery rock and fall back a few feet but you got to keep clawing your way out or you'll drown in the well.  Don't wait for someone to come by and rescue you and throw you a rope they could show up too late. I pray that God gives each one of you a boost of strength and a shot of adrenaline to pull yourself up out of that well. You may lose a few friends and relatives in the process. They weren't true friends if they like you better trapped in the well.  The same goes with family they are usually the first to abandon you when you assert the slightest bit of self confidence. No they always tell you they like the "old" doormat you and not the new and improved confident you. They prefer the   You that was self conscious, not self confidence.  I had one sibling in particular that told me this more than once when I started to feel good about the direction my life was going.   She was on the edge of the well kicking me back down stomping my fingers when I reached for dry land.  My friends keep clawing and climbing and fighting for your life. You are worth it and you matter to God our Father.  I know your next thought is well why did he allow this to happen if he loves you so much? If God interfered with everything life would be perfect, boring, bland and vanilla. Not one of us would have a free will or choices. Nothing would die, cotton candy would grow on trees, skies filled with glitter and rainbows with unicorns flying around, no that's fantasy!!  God sent his Son wax he born to royalty?  Did he have a silver spoon in his mouth?  Did he sleep on satin sheets, feather down pillows in a castle with servants to serve his every need???

No he was cursed at, spit on beaten and then executed for sins and crimes he did not commit.  God wants us to love him or hate him but be true to our feelings. There are consequences to either choice. If you hate him well things are just going to get worse for you unfortunately. Your hatred for the one who created you, will devour you. If you love him life's still not going to be easy. The devil is on your heels trying to trip you up at every chance and loves to make you curse God for things Satan has done to you.  Who do you think your abusers are working for, it's not God. A common misconception that I've heard many times is that we each existed before in heaven. That we were angels previously or little cherubs. There's no scripture to back up that nonsense.  No, only Jesus; he is the only human who previously existed before this life on earth. We were created at the moment of conception at that first spark of life when the sperm and egg meet.  It's just biology as to who you ended up with as parents.  Because God loved you so much Satan wants to destroy you and often uses the very ones who brought us into this world to get the job done.  

God Bless you all and keep fighting

Thank you for reading. 

Where has being nice got us?

The Bible don't tell us to be "nice" or "love everybody". I believe that the church adopted their "nice" eastern philosophy from Hinduism thanks to the music group the Beatles. I can't stand them thankfully half of them have died but the damage is already been done. The church has discarded their bibles and settled for what sounds good instead of what's right. Their pastors led them down this road like the pied pipers that they are. Leading their sheep to slaughter. 

I've been reading and thinking about Gideon's army of 300 in Judges 7, to fight the Amakalites (giants nephilium). Gideon started out with 32,000 and God told him he had too many soldiers. You'd think too many warriors is a good thing but Gods not looking for numbers but quality people sold out to him. Jesus said in Matthew 22:14, many are called but few are chosen.  Think about that one for awhile. 

Matthew 7:13

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.

It's a harder path to stand up for truth even if it's just your own truth. It's much easier to go along with the crowd compromise. Compromise another word not found in the Bible. 

God don't need "nice" he needs warriors. There's enough useless nice so called Christians who can't fight their way out of a paper box. 

We need to take up the sword of authority that Jesus or Yeshua has given to or anointed us with, put on our armour of God and fight. We have been beat down and betrayed by those we trusted and loved. We see where love, forgiveness and nice got us.

Pedophilia where's the church?

 I'm sure by now you've all heard of Pizzagate. Most of us are sickened by it all and probably so tired of hearing about pizzagate. I'm not going to get into it here. All I want to know is where's the church in all this where's the outcry??  Please tell me one pastor who is upset and angered by this?  All I hear is crickets.  Could it be that the pastors know of these sick degenerate individuals in their congregation and are keeping quiet about their activities?  Possibly even helping to cover their sins?  Are the pastors even involved in this sick perversion?  I can't say but it seems so very strange how silent the church has remained. Possibly the reality of pedophilia is so ugly they want to just put their head in the sand and pretend it don't exist. Well Virginia the truth is pedophilia does exist and it's a world wide problem. What do we do about it? I wish I knew; but what I do know is pretending it don't exist is only enabling the abusers to abuse. We have to keep talking about it keep the subject alive, expose this evil. Possibly the church just don't want unpleasant things to ruin their potlucks, fundraisers, rummage sales and etc.  It seems that churches seem to close their eyes to unpleasantness until it happens to them.  I witnessed how a local church reacted to a family who's little girl was abducted and murdered not sure if the pervert raped her or not the news didn't mention it at all. The local church was almost across the street from where the crime took place. You'd think if it happened that close to this church they'd take up a collection for the family. They were poor and could have used help  right now, they are faced with burying their little girl and expenses of that. The church didn't even offer up a prayer for the family, nope all heads in the sand. No not a dime for the poor family who lost their child. We need to raise money for the pastors newest venture he needs a new jet so he can spread the gospel around the world!! I guess I shouldn't be surprised abuse don't get mentioned in church. They don't offer counseling, prayer or even sanctuary for the victim. No the abuser is probably a prominent member of the church we can't offend his wallet... oh I mean we can't offend him. This is so disgusting and repulsive I can only imagine how our Heavenly Father or Jesus feels about this. Well here's what Jesus said about it. 

Matthew 25:34-40

34Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: 36Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. 37Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? 38When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? 39Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? 40And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Now the church so pious at heart but too good to help a soul in need. 

Matthew 25:41-46

41Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: 42For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: 43I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. 44Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? 45Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. 46And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.

It's funny the church avoids this chapter in the Bible. It's seldom preached from the pulpit. No pastors want to tickle the ears if their congregation, feed them cotton candy glittery fairy tales about how to get rich if you support the pastor. 

God is abused too

Churches are a mess today. They have become social clubs of status and a den for the thieves.  The problem is churches kicked God and Jesus out to the curb. Money is king to them but they abuse the name of Jesus and God.  Church had become a social club pastors don't teach about right and wrong they pressure everyone to be NICE and FORGIVING basically making us doormats for all to walk on and wipe their dirty muddy shoes on.  If a wounded person goes to church for healing they will encounter the opposite and find themselves abused again by being told to work things out forgive your oppressor and submitting yourself to further abuse. Then your abuser appeals to the congregation of your lack of forgiveness because you are not submitting to their abuse just abusing you more. Don't look toward the church for comfort from abuse or healing they just want you to shut up and get in line with all the other sheeple.  They don't have time to deal with your issues. Yes and that's how they look at it as "your issues". They don't really care and compassion don't really exist in church. Reality issues are inconveniences, unpleasantness to the members and especially the pastor. That's why you get a flippant answer you just need to forgive them that oppress and abuse you. You are the one with the problem not your abuser. How do you think God feels he too has been discarded by the church. The same with Jesus they throw their names around so it sounds religious. 

 

Pastors are not warning people of the end times preparing them spiritually for the hell that is to come. All sermons circle around to tithing they manage to turn nearly every message to tithing and lining their pockets. I've seen tv pastors turn absolutely every message about money in the end. But they treat God like a slot machine keep filling the machine and you will eventually cash in. God has been so abused by the church he's like us. Think about it so many claim they love him and shit all over his name. He's been slandered by the one behind the scenes, Satan. The greatest thing Satan did to fool the church into believing that he (Satan) don't exist he's just a myth. Therefore making them also think God may not be real either. There's no fire and brimstone in the pulpit. It should be hell is real, Satan is real and most certainly God is real. The Catholic Church keeps Jesus a baby and worships his earthly mother. The womb that brought him here. That's wrong on so many levels.  Think about that one it's kinda like worshiping a tour bus that brought your favorite rockstar. I'm not saying Jesus is a rock star but I think you get the comparison. Jesus had to be birthed into this realm to interact with us. Just like I believe the antichrist will also have to be birthed into this realm to interact with us. Back to the abusing God; when the pastors choose to get their tax exempt status 501(c)(3) they basically made a pact with the devil. They agreed to not teach on certain topics and agreed to not interfere with politics.  God is non compromising God is truth and all that is good and just. God does not want fake lip service from the charlatans who call themselves Christians. They might as well worship the devil. If you want to know God you will earnestly have to seek him out he knows our hearts minds and intentions. He knows who's really for him and who is only providing lip service. Don't judge God on these fake people seek out the real God. Screw people and what they say talk is cheap look for actions and red flags. There's one thing I've learned  recently is there are fewer TRUE believers than I had thought. I won't say Christians because that word has been misused and abused. 

You think I'm picking on pastors? Think about this a moment. Unless you are living in a cave somewhere or never watch a video on YouTube, everyone is talking and investigating pizzagate and rings of pedophilia child trafficking brought to us by Wikileaks. Information gleaned from the  Podesta brothers and Clinton emails. There's nothing that makes my blood boil than to see abuses of animals, humans but especially little children. Jesus warned woe to you that harms the little ones you'd be better off thrown into the sea with a millstone around your neck.  You've heard the expression cement shoes and swimming with the fishes. That's pretty much the same thing.  Well We know how Jesus feels about the subject what about the church? Where's the outrage?? What about pastors??? All I hear is crickets! Why? Could it be they're so wrapped up in their own lives they lack the empathy to care? You know what you hear from the pulpit? Don't judge!  Why? Could it be they are involved in it too? They're definitely a part of the cover up. You may say just because they aren't talking about it don't mean they're covering it up. Well in my book child abuse of any kind is pretty black and white. There's no room for gray. There's no excuse to abuse a child and especially sexually.  Theres absolutely no reason for an adult to use a child as their sex toy or punching bag.  I guarantee that if all these mega church pastors with their millions, mansions and horsie ranches would just put 10% into putting a stop to this or even just using their influence to expose this evil it wouldn't exist. 

Abandonment

I just had this thought roll into my head just a few moments ago thought I would share.  Hopefully it blesses you and lifts you up or in the least gives you hope for happiness and peace in the future.

We are like a kitten or puppy abandoned by their mother.  Unwanted automatically labeled as damaged or defective. 

I, like I'm sure a lot of you out there am an animal lover.  We put cat food out for the Ferrel cats that roam the woods behind our home.  We feed the ferrel cats almost as often as our own cats that live in our home with us.  The mother cat had her kittens on our deck but later moved them to another location.  If we could catch her we would have her fixed but these are very wild cats that I believe have always lived on their own in the wild.  When the kittens were big enough for solid food the mother cat brought her whole litter to our deck to share the food we put out for them.  I noticed one of the kittens had a cold and drainage in her eyes which sealed both eyes shut.  Animals in the wild, I'm sure you know this, that if one is defective they will abandon it and let "nature take its course" so to speak.  She will not try and help the one baby she is more concerned over the safety of the other babies.  It's a cold hard thing to watch.  Well I can't watch without getting involved.  Last year this same thing happened one of this cat's kittens seemed to be missing for a couple of days.  I finally saw the kitten it was smaller than the other two kittens.  I was so glad to see it and was going to try and catch it to feed it.  It was no use he was way too fast, but the next day he came back I won't go into all the details of his condition but we was in really bad shape.  I was able to catch him because he was too weak to get away.  The mother cat was there just watching and did absolutely nothing to help.  I was a bit upset with her for just basically abandoning her baby.  It just broke my heart to see how heartless this mother cat was.  I understand but it don't make it easier to take it's just cold and heartless.  I named him BO, because "Bo knows" how cold nature is.  He was near death when I carried him in but I kept him alive for 5 days feeding him with an eyedropper.  At least he didn't get devoured by some predator or something and died knowing at least someone cared.  I did make a HUGE mistake, when I thought Bo was doing a little better I allowed him to see his mother through the patio glass doors.  Thinking she would be glad to see he was doing ok and getting help, I also figured Bo would be glad to see his mommy.  The mother cat looked at him and sniffed the window walked away, Bo saw her and then seemed to give up after that.  His heart was broken he gave up after that.   I was sad for days about him, so was my husband .  I kept thinking what I could have done different to change the outcome.  So with Bo in the back of my mind I was watching the mother cat very close with her new litter to see if she was even going to clean this kitten's eyes or show one ounce of compassion on her.  This kitten would be alright if she could see where she's going and eventually get over the cold.  That wasn't too life threatening; but not being able to see she would be prey to anything that came along and was hungry.  The mother cat done nothing, as I suspected.  .  This one kitten was sitting in the sun on our deck but unable to see her mother started to cry for her.  She left the deck but left all her kittens there for a little while.  I had all that I could take I brought her in.  Cleaned up her eyes and had planned on just putting her back outside with the others; at least that's what I told myself.  When I had finished the mother cat came and left with her kittens.  Well, I guess she decided for me.  After a few weeks, we took her to the vet because the cold was in her sinus and all congested and it didn't seem to be getting any better.  This kitten would have died outside I have no doubt.  The kitten is now 4 months and is doing great, our other two cats love her and she has brought much needed joy to our home.  We named her Sammy.  Although the mother cat was not abusive and in fact she is a good mother and is only doing what is instinctual to them.  I have no contempt for this cat that is just trying to survive.  We still feed her and any cat that comes to our deck. 

The reason I am telling this long story is I see parallels here with our lives. The mother cat didn't physically abuse her kitten but she did abandon it.  Abandonment is just as harmful and in fact is a form of abuse.  As a child we need the love and acceptance of our parents it's part of the nurturing that we are supposed to get.  When we don't it's very damaging it affects the way we look at and feel about ourselves.  In the case of Sammy she basically went no contact with her family and it was the best thing for her.  She is healthy, happy and loved all her needs are taken care of.  She's not out in the heat or the cold, worry about predators or even have to worry where her next meal is coming from.  She knows if she comes over and bites my bare feet she will get fed fresh food.  Yes we spoil our pets, they don't like wet food that has been out for a few hours.  A bowl of dry is always sitting out with water.  I wish I could bring in every one of them... Don't you know God does that for us?  He takes in the abandoned, the abused the unloved and shows us true love.  No he's not the reason you were treated badly.  Everyone has a free will to do right or wrong.  You have the choice to be whoever you are nasty or nice, good or evil.  There are evil people in this world.  Trust me if God took away our free will then we would all be mindless drones just obeying Him like robots.  God wants us to love Him because we want to not because He made us do it.  God didn't make people homeless or babies born into disease or with a disease anymore than he made those born into wealth and health.  God didn't choose your parents or your status.  Like all the ferrel cats I would love to take in every one of them, not comparing myself to God just an illustration.  God would love to help each and every one of us too we just have to show up on his deck so to speak or come to Him and cry out for help.  If you read what churches call the Be Attitudes  or the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5.  This verse is about US!!  We are the poor in spirit.  I always heard this put differently and the pastor always skipped the "in spirit" part.  I always heard it like this from the pulpit, Blessed are the poor, blessed are the sick, blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.  So basically pastors are telling us God is blessing the poor sick and hungry so don't worry about them???  That's not even close to what this verse means.  Here's my breakdown of the verse.  Read it for yourself and you decide what it means to you.  I've pasted the verse below. 
What do you think "poor is spirit is, it's us who are downtrodden, beat up emotionally from those who hurt us the most who should nurture us instead the abuse us.  Look at verse 6 hunger and thirst for righteousness.  The "for righteousness" was always left out when I heard it from the pulpit.  Hunger for righteousness.... you crave or hunger for justice, not revenge;  justice for the injustices of our lives.  There will come a time when God will handle all of the injustices in this world and take judgment upon it.  We may not see the the justice right now but know that God will take care of it in time.  Look at verse 7&8.   ⁷ Blessed are the merciful,  for they will be shown mercy.  ⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,  for they will see God.

 This might as well say compassion, those who have compassion on others and listen to their conscience and obey it.  Verse 9 peacemakers is meaning you are not being one of those creating conflict, troublemakers those who stir up or create drama.  It don't mean you put up with abuse just to keep the peace or to appease the abusers.  That's not what it means at all.  Although I'm sure the abusers would like it to say that.  Verse 10 persecuted for righteousness, that's not referring to being churchy or looking all pious.  That means being right by your conscience.  You know the effect your actions on another person would have on another person, good or bad and you choose to do what's good and right.   You don't purposefully hurt another person.  When God comes to judge us all he will judge us on our actions if they were just or not and how we have treated others and not how holy we look to others or project to others.  God sees through all the bullshit.  Sorry but it's true he knows your actions and your intentions during the actions and judges that way, not what we say are our intentions.  To summarize this blog entry, we are better off going no contact with those who abuse us and will eventually find peace and happiness.  I won't lie and tell you there won't still be moments or thoughts of sadness thinking what could've been if only they would've changed their ways...  My advise to you is turn your head back around and look forward, turn away from the past we can't change it we can't change others you are only responsible for you and your actions.  Make sure you can live with your actions and not regret from this day forward.  Unfortunately evil will still cross your path just be wiser and don't get caught up or taken in by them.  Listen to your conscience, and that inner voice God gave it to you to protect you. Learn from your pain but don't stay in it work towards getting better.  Everyone heals at a different pace and have different hurdles to get over.  Remove yourself from anyone who tells you to"just get over it".  That's not helpful and may be harmful to your healing.  It may be an exhibit of lack of conscience too.  Anyway God Bless you all and I hope this is uplifting.

Matthew 5:1-11

5 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ² and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

He said:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Commercials Exploitation of the Sick and Unfortunate

This may seem at first like it's off the subject of narcissistic abuse but stay with me and see if you agree. 

Have you noticed lately all of the, in your face graphic and morbid commercials?

For example ASPCA and the humane society. Now I love animals I wish I could rescue every single one from domestic pets to the endangered ones.  Anyone who could harm an animal is a very sick perverted person. They could easily do the same to a human.   Can anyone with empathy watch these commercial in its entirety?  Do they really think by showing us horrific images makes us want to donate to the cause?  Frankly, I'm motivated to change the channel.  Displaying wounded, malnourished and dying animals it's more than I can take. 

What about the St. Jude or the MDA commercials they are literally exploiting these children, it's disgusting. What about wounded veterans showing a man and sometimes women who have amputated body parts or showing them with PTSD.  Only a shell of what they used to be.  Some CEO may be filling his pockets but how much actually goes to the cause, it's hard to tell no one checks them out. Airtime is expensive and those type of commercials last twice and even three times as long just to pull on your heart strings. Heart strings sounds a bit like manipulation to me. Corporate narcissist seeking those with empathy for their donations.  How typical corporate sharks feeding on the little fish. I would be more inclined to donate to their cause if they left out the graphic content. Honestly what an interesting concept.  If you've fallen for these ads don't feel bad they were designed to guilt you into giving just like televangelist do.  Basically conveying that God isn't pleased with you unless you give your hard earned money to their cause and don't forget to give generously.  These commercials have left me with a nagging sense that something's not right.  They make me sick inside. 

 

Shaming by Comparison

Growing up in a home with parents that are covert narcissist the abuse takes many forms.  Shaming is a common form of narcissistic abuse whether the narcissist is overt or covert.  Shaming by comparison is just as cruel. 

Here's a couple of examples of what I'm talking about. 

Your mother uses an aunt let's call her "Mary" she used her to shame you by comparing you to her. Mary is a messy housekeeper your mother uses her constantly as an example to you. She constantly threatened you to drop you off at her home to live. She would also constantly say I'd hate to visit your house it would be like Mary's. Always comparing you to Mary. Now that you're an adult you still hear her voice in your head. When you have plans to have company come over you immediately go into panic mode and clean like a mad woman trying to make everything look spotless so that they won't think you are like Mary.  Your mother dies and you still hear those words subconsciously.  You get triggered by visitors to the point you don't want to invite anyone to your home. 

Your father has two sisters who he likes comparing you the scapegoat the golden child daughter to.  He had a bad sister who was the scapegoat which he said she lies constantly and a good sister who was the golden child. The golden child sister happened to die young in a tragic auto accident  so now she's memorialized.  You have an argument with your golden child sister while doing dishes. She picks up a knife holding it firmly and pointing it at you saying "I'll cut you!"  This isn't the first time she did this but since mom did nothing about it and brags on what a spitfire she is you don't bother telling on her. You're both still kids but you turn to her saying something you've heard on tv I'm sure. I'll forgive you but never forget. In walks your dad he over hears at least your end of the conversation. He asks what's going on you tell him. Of course he does nothing to the golden child sister and sees nothing wrong. He begins nearly an hour long lecture to you while the golden child watches. He tells how his bad sister was always jealous of the good sister more pretty nicer outgoing  etc.  He then says his bad sister has to live with the guilt of never being able to say she's sorry to the good sister for being jealous.  He then turns it in you and says you'd feel real bad if something happened to your GC sister and you weren't able to apologize. 

This is shaming 

I found this article on Toxic Shame from Darlene Lancer JD,MFT 

http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-toxic-shame/

Last paragraph sums it all up:

"If not healed, toxic shame can lead to aggression, depression, eating disorders, PTSD, and addiction. It generates low self-esteem, anxiety, irrational guilt, perfectionism, and codependency, and it limits our ability to enjoy satisfying relationships and professional success."

The Birthright

I love the story of Jacob and Esau if you listen to most pastors they get it wrong. I recommend everyone go back and re read it for themselves.  Genesis 25. Most pastors will make it sound like Jacob was devious, dishonest a thief. The two brothers were twins.  The tradition was the older brother would receive the birthright. The birthright consisted of a blessing a type of anointing of a leadership role in the family along with possibly double the inheritance at least that's what I got.  Esau willfully sold his title to this birthright.  
If you back up to where Rachel, their mother asked God why her baby seemed to be wrestling within her.  God told her why, he told her they were twins.  God knew the nature of Jacob and Esau while in the womb.  This one is a bit perplexing if you think about it. Yes I know he's God he knows everything but remember he also gave us a free will to make choices he didn't decide that one boy would be good and the other would be bad.  He didn't create a yin and yang within Rachel. And no I don't believe that philosophy that good needs bad as bad needs good to exist. If that were true that's saying and I've heard others say God needs satan they need each other they work together.  That is so warped.  Remember it's written in Revelations that God will punish satan later.  That's the only reason satan is allowed to remain in existence  He is  all that is good so he cannot break his word and say ok that's the last straw you've gone too far this time. He will wait and take care of it later. 
God knew the nature of Esau he knew he "Esau despised his birthright."  Held it in low regard, it didn't matter too much to him.  How could anyone despise a blessing from God and look at it as if it were nothing??  God was merely giving the blessing to the son who appreciated it one who would consider it an honor. No matter how little Jacob paid for it he still had Esau's promise to give it to him for soup. If you sell someone a car for $1 and sign over the title it's still a binding contract or sale. Why is this any different?  Since when is it ok to Welch on an agreement?  Why do pastors accuse Jacob of being dishonest. I didn't read that in Genesis that's their own opinion. Was Isaac aware of the sale of the birthright?  Rachel knew... 
Well we all know the rest of the story Jacob did have to trick Isaac into giving the blessing to him. Then when Esau found out and was furious wanted to kill Jacob.  Jacob fled and went no contact he walked away from the inheritance. All he left with was the clothes on his back and the blessing he just got. He stayed away even after both parents had passed.  God blessed Jacob even though he didn't get a dime of his inheritance.  I think one reason greedy pastors (pro$perity doctrine) don't get this story right is because; they're all about money.  They think Jacob's motive was the inheritance when actually it was the BLESSING!!    Esau didn't think too much of the blessing he despised it. He got what he wanted was the money. Years later when Jacob went to see Esau he was for happy he got what he wanted and the reason he was going to kill Jacob was the money not the blessing. Today's prosperity pastors aren't looking for God's blessings they are after the inheritance or money.  To them it's who has the bigger mansions who has the bigger jet.  They have little regard for the blessing like Esau. 

Staying with Your Abuser is a Choice

Staying with an abusive person is a choice.  Leaving is another choice, a better choice. It's a more healthy choice.  I agree it won't be easy. 

We all have regrets that we didn't leave sooner, that we thought we could go back and have a normal relationship with narcissistic family members and the list goes on.. 

Don't beat yourself up for it we can't go back and change the past. Stop that kind of thinking just stop it right now!

Now we got to decide how we are we going to live out the rest of your life. Are you willing to put up with that abuser in hopes that your abusers might leave you an inheritance?  You may think it's just easier to stay. Most generally the narcissistic abuser will hold their inheritance over their victims head. Dangling it like the carrot. This money gives them a stronghold over your life if you allow it. Most of the time the narcissist will give ALL their money to the golden child or to a charity so you will not get a dime. So all the time you lost being captive to your abusive narcissist was time you could have been healing and living life in freedom. 

I use Joan Crawford as an example she disinherited her children. She was evil to the bitter end they never do have that (forgive my expression)  "come to Jesus moment". 

They aren't going to have last minute regrets other than they wished they could have abused you more. 

Narcissists Cause Us to Devalue Ourselves

Thank all of you for your comments.   I'm sorry that all of you had to go through all of this abuse my heart goes out to each of you.  Huge Hugs!!  God bless all of you.  Validation helps us cope with this kind of abuse.  Some of the abuse is physical and that's horrific and don't let anyone tell you any different.  Fortunately those wounds eventually heal but some scars stay with us possibly all our lives. I'm talking about the emotional scars and what it does to our perspective.  The perspective of our own lives how it makes us devalue ourselves because they have devalued us.  They made us feel like yesterday's garbage.  We were taught that our feelings, our needs and essentially WE don't matter.  Any thing we do out of our own kindness to them is spewed back in our faces.  I remember an instance as a child I was always trying to get acceptance from my dad.  I idolized him, yes I know that was sick but I was gaslit into thinking that the beatings I got were all justified and that I deserved them.  Not to mention that he was a pastor so I looked at him as a "man of God".  Everything he said was gospel to me.  I know stockholm big time!!  Here's an example of our kindness being thrown in our faces, literally.  I was approximately 10 years old at this time, my dad was mowing the yard.  He looked hot I went in and made some ice tea for him and brought it out to him in a tall glass.  He shut off the mower, he started to take a drink and then paused and asked if I had washed my hands before making it because I had been playing with our cats.  I said no.  He poured the entire glass of ice tea down the front of me and then ordered me to go back in and make him a new glass but this time WASH YOUR HANDS!!!  What started out to be something nice turned out to be something totally different.  He couldn't have asked nicely or just told me in a calm voice no he had to pour it on me and then yell at me.  Great man of God!!!  You find yourself thinking I can't do anything right, I'm just a failure.  No wonder we have self esteem issues after they get through with us then our minds now warped beat ourselves up as a result of all the mean things they've said play over and over in our heads.

They lay most of their groundwork while we are children.  It's easy to bully children especially if they are your own.  There's no one that we can go to for help, who's going to believe a child?  The risk you take of telling anyone what if they tell your abuser what you said?  It's much easier to remain silent they hell you'd deal with if you told anyone.  I would have never considered it anyway because I thought it was justified, I thought I was a terrible person.  I believed I deserved it.  This is life living with a covert narcissist.  On the outside everyone thought he was the salt of the earth type guy.  Everyone loved my dad, few loved my mom but mostly it was dad that they mentioned.  They hide behind religion and appear so "godly" on the outside.  I spent years believing the lie.  I'm so thankful for God and my husband who helped me see through the facade, it was all a sham. 

Why do you HATE me!!!

Why do you HATE me!!!
How many times have you heard that from your narcissist abuser?  I’ve heard it plenty of times.  They poke you, prod you, lie to you and about you, slander you to everyone they know.  They are spewing out venom about you constantly then they come to you and exclaim why do you HATE me? 

What I’d love to say is first of all, I’ve never said that I hate you but I think you’ve sure given me enough reason to.  Then more to the point of why do YOU hate ME?  The expression “poke the bear” comes to mind.  They poke you prod you hoping for a response.  They want to make you go off on them.  It’s supply to them.  They love doing this in public, at events wherever they have an audience.  While the other abuse they’ve done to you was in private.  It’s like in grade school the girl that whispers about you to others then smiles at you and expects you to be nice to her and will make a scene and turn it around to make you look like the jerk.  It’s exactly like that.

Not all narcissist physically abuse you.  They love to play head games alienate you from everyone you know so you can be their personal play thing.  They will literally turn your friends and family against you.  Even though the so called friend knew you longer the narcissist has a way of persuading them otherwise.  They want you to feel alone, you will either go back to them to become abused or destroy yourself out of loneliness and despair.  There is a third choice they don’t want you to know about.  While you are in the loneliness stage, get to know who you are.  Be comfortable in who you are where you don’t need others around to entertain or keep you company.  Be comfortable in the truth  that they are harmful to you and if that means you never have friends again so be it.  You can survive without friends or companions. What do you do that makes you special to God?  Do you sing, do you play an instrument, draw, paint, write, create in some way, possibly caring for animals in some capacity?  Spend time doing that thing that makes you different from other people.  Maybe compassion is your specialty do something with that let your heart lead you.  Never let others lead you, be independent and strong.  Your inner strength will serve you well.  It will help you get through the tough times.  Look at yourself now yes you’ve been beat down abused, slandered and almost destroyed.  Almost is the key here, they did not get the job done.  Stand up and build your strength.  Think of it as being beat up at recess by a bully.  Yes you may LOOK like you’ve lost, a laughing stalk weak but remember they didn’t defeat you.  What does the little boy or girl do when he is beaten up and the wounds heal?  He starts learning how to fight and stays away at all costs from this bully.  That’s all these narcissist are anyway is bullies they want control over you.  You learn to protect yourself.  Now I’m not talking about the little boy or girl that goes home and comes back to school with a gun and shoots everyone they see because they were hurt.  This is what the narcissist wants you to do, they want to make you lose it.  They want to push you into that dark place where you want to kill others and yourself.  They want you to “see red”.  You are letting them control you and by doing this you have now lost to the narcissist.

You have just handed control of your life to the narcissist.  In the end YOU are going to be accountable for what you do in your life.  Let’s just speak as the law goes.  You commit a crime the narcissist emotionally drives you to do it, but YOU are the one committing the crime so You will be the one who gets punished for it.  Maybe if you’re lucky they will punish the one who pushed you to do the crime but their sentence will be light, you are the one who actually did it.  Everyone is responsible for their own well being as adults.  It’s time to take charge of your lives brush yourself off stand up, YOU matter!! I’ll say it again YOU MATTER, your life matters.  It matters to God and it should matter to you.  Learn to love yourself or at least look at yourself in the mirror and be able to live with the person on the inside.  Really the inside is the most important part of you.  All of us look at the appearance that’s all superficial.  God sees what’s inside and a true friend will see the inside.  The thing is we have abused the word “friend” and “love”.  We have confused acquaintances and co-workers for friends.   And something you really like as love.  Narcissists use the word friend and love too.  These words are tools to the narcissist.  They are handcuffs, ropes or chains.  They use your affection to their benefit.  They will abuse you verbally, emotionally, physically and spiritually and then tell you they “LOVE” you.  It’s because I LOVE YOU.  They may use the phrase “if you love me, you’ll… “  Love and friend have become words of manipulation.  Beware of those using those words, beware of those wanting to get too close to you too fast.  Narcissists aren’t really human in the normal sense, normal things like affection and friendship aren’t things that flow naturally they are only manipulation tools and they may want to escalate a friendship or romance to “cut to the chase”. 

In closing stay strong in who you are, Love yourself as a child of God see yourself as He sees you and not how the narcissist sees you.  You really do matter you’re really not just an object to entertain the narcissists of this world.  Beware there are many narcissist and they spot you before you can spot them at least the more dangerous ones do.  Guard your heart don’t jump into friendships and relationships too fast.  If they are worthy of your affection they will be patient with you.  God Bless all of you!

Pastor Speaks about Not Judging a Pedophile

We live in interesting times my friends.  Please study and pray for yourselves.  Wipe the dust off and crack open those bibles you may have laying around.
 Three excellent online resources are the Bible Hub, Bible Gateway and the Blue Letter Bible.  Google is an excellent search tool if you cant remember a verse but you know what its about.  The main thing is to study for yourselves this is the only way you will get the truth.  So many pastors are leading their congregations astray.  The seem to be using cult tactics to gain control extort money from them while they live the high life their congregation like zombies keep bringing in the money.

This message isn't about money this time though it's much more disturbing to me and those of us who have been abused at the hands of a narcissist.  My husband and I were watching a pastor who also has a live stream and records his messages online and hangs with the big TV prosperity gang.  This pastor used to have great messages now they're flat and sound like he's speaking to a children's Sunday school class.  The problem is if he were speaking to children I hope he would find himself behind bars.

The pastor began his message about judging and within the first few minutes of the sermon he said "some of you would be surprised to find that you may live next door to a Pedophile in heaven.  Yes that's right, this is what he said.  He then went on leveling and comparing Pedophilia to any other sexual sin like infidelity or just sleeping around.  Obviously I feel both infidelity and sleeping around is wrong but it's not the same as pedophilia.  Pedophilia is a horrible thing it inflicts such pain upon children, not only the physical but the emotional scars and spiritual.  A pedophile has the intent to injure a child when he rapes the child this is not the same as in two adults having consensual sex.  Pedophilia is an individual who loves lording their control over an innocent victim and forcing themselves upon a child who isn't physically or emotionally capable of dealing with this or even fighting back.

No mr pastor I have NEVER found it in the word of God that it's ok to abuse or rape children or that it is no worse than other sins.  Where did this kind of thinking come from?

Seeking Justice
The pastor used this verse
Romans 13:10 (NIV)  
Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

He took the whole verse out of context back up one verse and you see what the Apostle Paul is trying to say. 

 Romans 13:9-10
 9For this, "YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, YOU SHALL NOT MURDER, YOU SHALL NOT STEAL, YOU SHALL NOT COVET," and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." 10Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
 
This verse was taken out of context this verse is not telling you how to react to those who have hurt or wronged us, the verse is telling us how to treat others.
He said and I quote: "If you want someone to pay for what they did (to you), You are judging and not forgiving, showing no mercy.  you want ill and harm to come to them."  So he's saying you are wrong for wanting justice or seeking justice for the abuse someone has caused.  Do you see the sick dynamic here?  It just makes me want to throw up or toss furniture.

Acceptance of Sin
He went on to talk about there is no category for sin.  One sin is no greater than the other in the eyes of God.  If they repent...  he reminded them we are ALL sinners...  So I took this to mean we are supposed to accept sin you see, hear, or know about, you are to turn a blind eye to it because after all we are all sinners.  
He mentioned you've got to "acknowledge the nature of flesh".   Pastor compared phedophilia to any sexual sin as no difference between the two.  It's one thing to commit an act of sin in error of judgment a moment of lust, then to purposefully select a child rape the child for their own sick pleasures and inflict pain physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Intent has a lot to do with sin.  I mean no disrespect for this next comment, but even an atheist knows it's wrong to rape a child.  It's not a religious issue it's a moral issue.  I'm not going to add categories to it, any sex with a child is rape in my eyes and in the eyes of God.
Pastor what about  Matthew 18:6?  This isn't an encoded message it's pretty clear.  Jesus didn't make up excuses for these reptiles who prey upon children, no he said it would be better if they were dead.

 Matthew 18:6
"If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

I'm sorry pastor do you know more than Jesus?  Where did you find this type of thinking?  It's not in the bible I can guarantee it.

More Leveling
The pastor went on to say, speaking of phedophiles; "you might say, I would never... Everyone is capable, this just didn't happen to you".  I'm sorry again pastor but MOST of us WOULD NEVER!  And "just didn't happen to you"... "happen"?  You don't just happen to rape anyone but ESPECIALLY not a CHILD!  So the pedophile one day is walking along and accidentally rapes a child?  OOPS I raped a kid oh well..?   No it's sick perversion God is sickened by perversion!    Lastly the pastor said that murders, rapists and pedophiles will be in heaven, then he added if they repent...   Have you ever heard of a rapist or especially a pedophile repent because I have not.

Evidently the pastor never read this verse:
Isaiah 5:20
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.


what about:
Proverbs 17:15
Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent-- the LORD detests them both.

Habakkuk 1:4
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.

Malachi 2:17
You have wearied the LORD with your words. "How have we wearied him?" you ask. By saying, "All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them" or "Where is the God of justice?"

1 Timothy 4:1
The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons.
 
2 Timothy 4:3
For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.
 
2 Peter 2:1
But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them--bringing swift destruction on themselves.
 
 I believe that God's word speaks for itself.

Pastors are they Shepherds or Wolves Disguised as Shepherds?

Pastors immobilizing their people by teaching them dependence, learned helplessness, they say things that sounds right to the ear but wrong to your conscience.

beware of false teachers
 1 Timothy 4:1-2
4 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; 2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;
but please read the entire chapter 

Matthew 7:15-16
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
16"You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they?…

Jeremiah 23:16
This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD.

Here's a link to more verses if you are interested.
http://biblehub.com/matthew/7-15.htm

they use phrases like “God is in control”, “don’t judge”, “you must forgive”  They have become the thought police even guilting you for having thoughts of avoiding a person who you sense may inflict harm or put you in danger.  Discerning is not judging.  That discerning of danger is your inner man telling you to get the hell away from that person.

“God is in control”God is only in control if you allow him to be. God is not a dictator and everyone has a free will to do right or wrong.
Two examples Adam and Eve they chose to disobey God they knew the consequences of their actions if they disobeyed. If God controlled everything he would have stopped them or even removed temptation all together the serpent and the tree.  Adam and Eve were adults not babies.  As parents of babies we remove all obstacles to protect them.  But Adam and Eve were adults God treated them as such and expected them to act accordingly.  Basically.. they had a choice.

Why would preachers teach us that we have no power over our own lives?    I suppose to make us easier to control?
A preacher that teaches this doctrine has another agenda in mind and not the heart of God.  How does this apply to narcissism? You have many choices.  You have choices to do good in this world according to your conscience or bad. You can choose to stay with your narcissistic abuser and live with it or you can leave, go no contact and heal.  You don't have to take its and you don't deserve it.  It's not in God's great scheme of things for you to be abused, beaten, manipulated, tortured, yelled at. There is no reward in the great beyond for putting up with this abuse.  It’s not your lot in life be abused and you should just get over it that’s how it is, forgive them besides you are a sinner too.  NO that’s a lie they want you to believe.  Intentionally inflicting pain no matter what kind of pain upon another person is wrong and a sin. Did God plan for Cain to murder Abel? No God warned Cain he was starting in the wrong direction tried to turn him around.  I’m not going to read it to you but you can find it in Genesis 4.

Another thing preachers say to control us is "don't judge."  Mr Smakintosh did a video on this. Preachers tell you don't judge others but most of all don't judge them. What they are saying is close your eyes to my faults I know what's best for you. Don’t try to discern if I am sinning.  This us gaslighting. Never mind what I do, you need to do what I tell you. I was told as a child “do as I say not as I do”…  That’s also hypocrisy!!  The rules are for you not me.

The next thing is they have their fingers in your pocket or wallet. They need things... Nice things…  So they guilt you into tithing or donating your money and time to their projects, they have so many projects.
They can't drive around in a shabby car Mrs pastor needs a brand new Mercedes.  They can't take public transportation going out of town, like you do, they need a jet and a big one.  They can't stay in an apparent or modest home it needs to be a mansion or horse ranch maybe both. What you give is never enough. That Mercedes needs gas the jet needs fuel that mansion needs landscaping. You can't have your preacher mowing his own estate that you helped pay for.

But YOU don't judge ME.
You are condemned for individual thinking. Isn't that like abuse from your narcissist?  The abuser will attack you if you question any of their actions. Entitlement.... Another trait of narcissism.  they feel entitled to abuse and lord themselves over you demanding money and things.
The apostle Paul made tents in with the community.  found in Acts 18:1-3
What about visiting the sick and those in the hospital. No they don't have time for that. Remember the time when pastors actually did that? About a week ago I heard a pastor tell his congregation that THEY would be doing the visitations.  WHAT???
Do they care about the community?  When the community loses one of their own children because some sicko murdered a child in a motel across the street from the church does the pastor take up an offering for her family or in the least even offer up prayers to God to comfort the parents and family of the child?  I think you know the answer. There’s fundraising to do!!  I think he was even out of town at the time at another church.  How convenient.  So while the community that pays for his many trappings he can’t even console the parents who lost their little girl in a horrific and tragic method.

No but the pastor will give thousands into another pastors ministry. One who is well off already.  No just like the narcissist they only do things for appearances only. They don't help the poor, they help the rich just like the regular narcissist do. They will give thousands maybe millions to fundraisers to get their accolades among their peers but not a dime to someone who really needs it.
These preachers are no better than lying politicians. Actually they are worse because they do it all in the name of God. Pastors at least most there may be a few that are really doing ‘’God’s work” but not many.  In fact a lot of them are tangled up into the one world religion.  That’s all I will say about that.  You can look it up.

Another controlling phrase preachers use is "You need to forgive... " this phrase puts all the blame on you. No matter what they did " you need to forgive". A man beats his wife and children but she is the one who needs to forgive.  This ends up scapegoating you putting the blame on YOU because YOU won’t forgive.  My family of narcs do that.  I’ve been told that I need to “soften my heart”….


My friends churches like this are the perfect breeding ground for narcissistic abuse. If your church is guilting you into anything run, run fast and run far...  The pastors of these churches will work to keep you and your abusers together. They will offer counseling to you both but YOU will be the one who needs to change and conform not your abuser.

If this is your church, stop going!!  I’m not telling you to turn your back on God.  Church isn’t the only place to worship God.  Open your own bible, read the word for yourself.  God can teach you deeper messages that what you get from the pulpit.  If this is not your church consider yourself fortunate but keep an open eye on the church and your pastor.  You might be led down the wrong path and in the end You are responsible for your own life.  Be careful on who you choose to follow and where they are leading.    *

Don't call me "Sweetie"!!!

You know it only takes a simple text from my Narcissist Father to make me upset.  It would make my stomach churn, cramp  and upset to the point of diarrhea, it only takes a couple of hours after the text.  I’m 50 now but my Narc dad can still do a number on my emotions.  It’s like when someone has been terrorized by someone and they leave messages on their phone nothing threatening  just a message that you can’t put your finger on plausible deniability.  After they contact you, you feel violated somehow and agitated, tense, uneasy jumpy drained of energy and emotion.  This happened to me today and every time my narc dad would text me.  Today it was “Good Morning my sweet daughter I love you.”  Oh sure, I know it sounds nice what’s wrong with that.  Well for one thing my father has never called me sweetie or sweet daughter as a child NEVER!!  It’s right down creepy!!!  This guy was “Indiana Jones”, the guy who beat me with a whip and a belt when he determined I’ve done something so horrible to warrant such a punishment.  This is the man when at the dinner table demanding answers; slapped his hand so hard on the table making the table shake, the dishes and silverware rattle.  Then he would point his finger at me or jab it into my chest to the point it felt like it was bruising while acting as if he was holding back so much rage and if he didn’t have self control he’d beat the hell out of me.  This is the guy who’s texting me “sweetie”…  Now I know a lot of you out there have sustained a great deal more abuse than I and this would be child’s play compared to how you were treated. He didn’t use his fist or put cigarettes out on my skin, or rape me, like a lot of you have.  He always had a “reason” for my beatings, in fact because of that I always thought I deserved the beatings and didn’t realize it was abuse and stepped into a curtain of fog that he and my narc mom created.  This isn’t how I raised my kids, to walk on eggshells around me.  The could eat in the living room sit on whichever piece of furniture they wanted, if they spilled their drink during a meal  or made a mess I just told them to clean it up, no yelling or nagging or making them feel like they were less than the mud on my boots.  I didn’t flick them in the face, back of the head or ears…   

That my friend is PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  No it don’t just happen to our men and women of the military who have seen action in conflicts and battles.

PTSD:  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can result from narcissistic abuse especially abuse from a parent or spouse. 

Some of you have mentioned in your messages that you have PTSD.  Hearing your stories, some of you have more severe cases than most so please don’t feel like I’m minimizing your agony.  I wouldn’t be surprised if most of us have a bit of this disorder.  Abuse has scarred us in ways we may not have even realized.  I realized I have a bit of it myself and so does my husband.  Now I’m NOT putting this out there so we can put labels on ourselves or feel damaged or that we have a “disorder”.  I’m putting this out there to make us aware of the symptoms so we can recognize what our narc abusers have done to us and knowing what’s going on is half the battle.  I don’t have all the answers but lets work through this together.  So we all can find mental, emotional and spiritual healing.  

After going through a trauma in our case abuse from our narcissist, could be abuse as a child that continues into adulthood.  Survivors often say that their first feeling is relief to be alive. But this may be followed by stress, fear, and anger. These trauma survivors may also find they are unable to stop thinking about what happened. Many survivors will have disturbing recurring flashbacks, avoidance or numbing of memories of the event, and Hyper-vigilance which is a high level of alert, which causes them to react strongly to sounds and sights around them. This is what I call agitated, edgy, jumpy.  

Most people have some kind of stress reaction after a trauma. Having such a reaction has nothing to do with personal weakness. Stress reactions may last for several days or even a few weeks. For most people, if symptoms occur, they will slowly decrease over time.

Re-experiencing the traumatic event

    Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event

    Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)

    Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)

    Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma

    Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing,      nausea, muscle tension, sweating)

Avoidance and numbing

    Avoiding activities, places, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of the trauma

    Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma

    Loss of interest in activities and life in general

    Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb

    Sense of a limited future (you don’t expect to live a normal life span, get married, have a career)

Increased anxiety and emotional arousal

    Difficulty falling or staying asleep

    Irritability or outbursts of anger

    Difficulty concentrating

    Hypervigilance (on constant “red alert”)

    Feeling jumpy and easily startled

Here are a few examples of what I go through, I’m sure some of you have experienced much worse symptoms and you know all too well about this.

My ex contacted me by phone which triggered this episode.  He was an alcoholic, he didn’t physically beat me but when he drank whisky he would become violent and even worse, to the point we were arguing about where he had been all day… when it was obvious he had been drinking all day.  He walks into the bedroom and in the gun case pulls out his rifle puts two shells into it and points it at me.  Fortunately God gave me such a calm and I didn’t give him the reaction he was looking for: the oh please don't shoot me… begging for my very life.  I kind of have a mental block as to how but he put it away eventually.  Another event where he again drunk on whisky and threw christmas gifts at me yelling at me and began beating the christmas tree with a bath towel until the tree came down.  He would also in the middle of the night go to my car and remove a part from my car so I couldn’t just leave his sorry ass.  Just a little background as to why I got so upset when he called me.

When I married mr smakintosh he adopted my two children and the ex signed over giving away all his legal rights to the children.  

Years after the adoption, I received a call on mothers day from the ex wanting to speak to my children.  The call was to our home phone number which was unlisted so someone in my immediate family had to give it to him. Not only did I feel violated by this call but someone in my immediate family had betrayed me in probably the worst way.  They handed us over to my ex abuser.  The didn’t ask permission to give him my number they just did it, knowing the past and how he was when he drank they had no regard for our safety.  I was terrified to think they may have also given him our address.  I was angry, I became extremely jumpy (hypervigilant), agitated, every time I heard a truck with a loud exhaust go up the street I was at the window checking looking feverishly making sure he wasn’t out there, I got little to no sleep… I had heart palpitations, weak, I felt like my insides had turned to sludge a sick feeling, my chest hurt I thought physically I was having a stroke or heart attack it took at least a month for me to get over this.  My poor husband lived through this with me.  He had his own symptoms a feeling of ultimate betrayal my very own family we think it was my parents gave abusive alcoholic  ex my phone to contact our kids which he gave all legal rights away to.

This was all before we realized that nearly every member of my family is a narc.

now days when one of them sends me a text or even tries to call or leaves a message any form of contact… I’m hypervigilant for about a week, agitated..  and almost no sleep and family dreams not necessarily nightmares but they are haunting my sleep.  Like the dirty house dreams, I gotta get my house clean and quick my mom’s going to see it and in my dream my house is a total disaster and the more I clean the more filth I find and I just can never get it done…  

My mother was a neat freak anyway and every spring break we spent spring cleaning.  Most of our classmates got to go to the mall or hang out with friends… no we had to clean clean clean…  Every saturday clean clean clean… and the whole time we cleaned with her we had to hear how we did a crappy job the rest of the week when we got home from school.  Her nagging went on and on until it was clean to her satisfaction.

2 corinthians 1:3-4

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Psalms 61:2-3

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

    I call as my heart grows faint;

    lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

For you have been my refuge,

    a strong tower against the foe.

Psalms 35:12

KJV

12 They rewarded me evil for good to the spoiling of my soul.

AMP

12 They reward me evil for good to my personal bereavement.

Hebrew Psalms book

12 They repay me evil for good; bereavement is come to my soul.

Strongs for spoiling as used in this verse: bereavement, loss of children

  *bereavement: the condition of a person left by all;  abandonment

root word:  shakol

to be bereaved, make childless, miscarry

1.  to cause barrenness, show barrenness or abortion

Merriam Websters dictionary: spoil

spoil:  plunder taken from an enemy in war or from a victim in robbery

syn:  pillage, plunder, booty, loot, swag

your mind wanders you think of pirates when you hear booty and plunder; so think of your soul as the hidden treasure that was stolen

Speaking of the young men and women in military that come home with PTSD 

They realize that they didn’t sign up for this… I was told it was good, defending America and so on and so on….

They have to carry out orders no matter if it goes against their conscience when they sign that dotted line and take the oath they gave all individual rights and thoughts up.  I’m not insulting them or their intelligence but they have to carry out the orders they are given whether they agree with them or not.  My husband was in a branch of the military at one time and he knows quite a bit more than me about this. 

People who refused to going after being drafted to Vietnam to fight in that war; they were called “conscientious objectors”.  For reasons of conscience, they refused to fight in the military.

We are not diminishing any of our military veterans so please don’t feel that we are putting you down for going to fight.  We are here talking about the affects after the fight I’m sure that none of you have been scathed from some type of emotional distress after coming home whether it be due to the emotional anguish of the carnage of war to lost of friends comrades and injuries.

When a parent or someone in authority tells a child to do something that’s not right like in sexual abuse the child no matter how small they know it’s not right, they feel sick inside.  They are powerless to fight back and so deeply afraid to say no.  Even physical abuse, beating you telling you that you are deserve this beating all the while you know you don’t.  After awhile they spoil your soul: sear your conscience and you start to believe their lies you start to believe sexual abuse is right, your fault it happened or you do deserve the beatings you get.. all the while your spirit is screaming on the inside that it’s oh so wrong.  You have an internal conflict, even way after all the abuse.  Your spirit is trying to help you get back on balance your moral compass is off kilter.  You are tortured by nightmares, sleeplessness, flashbacks and many more issues… ultimately your spirit wants you to heal from this trauma.  Your reality has been aborted forced out stolen….